The Intergalactic Security Council
United Nations Internal Archive:
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT
Access Level: SECRET
Reference Number: SC-X/27-Δ
Status: Declassified by Administrative Error
If you are reading this document, you have accessed materials not intended for delegates, chairs, advisors, or, according to several strongly worded emails, the Secretariat itself.
Executive Summary
The existence of the Secret Committee has never been officially acknowledged. No records of its creation exist. No records of its meetings exist. No records of its members exist. Despite this, minutes from its sessions continue to appear in United Nations archives. Investigations remain ongoing.
Known Activities
The Committee has allegedly:
Declared a fifteen-minute coffee break to be a fundamental human right.
Debated whether delegates should be allowed to use "honourable" and "distinguished" more than twenty times per speech.
Attempted to establish diplomatic relations with a printer.
Successfully negotiated peace between two crisis staff members arguing over a laptop charger.
Proposed Resolution 0000, which would have required all delegates to sleep at least eight hours before committee.
The resolution failed.
Frequently Asked Questions
Known Activities
Unknown. Several reports suggest members are selected through a process involving coincidence, paperwork errors, and excessive caffeine.
Where does the Committee meet?
Unknown.
Possible locations include:
Committee Room B
The staff room
A parallel dimension
Somewhere near the snack table
Does the Committee have authority?
Officially, no. Unofficially, also no. Nevertheless, its recommendations have occasionally appeared in final conference schedules.
Excerpt from Recovered Meeting Minutes
Agenda Item 4: Global Delegate Behaviour
The Committee expressed concern regarding the increasing use of the phrase:
"The delegation believes..." while delegates clearly had no idea what they believed.
After extensive debate, no action was taken.
Incident Report 17A
At approximately 14:37 local time, a delegate successfully delivered a ninety-second speech without:
mentioning international cooperation,
expressing deep concern,
calling upon member states,
or proposing a working paper.
Witnesses described the event as "unprecedented."
Current Investigation
The Secretariat continues to investigate reports that a hidden document exists somewhere within the conference website.
The document allegedly contains:
the true purpose of the Secret Committee,
the location of its archives,
and the answer to why delegates always sit in the wrong seats on the first day.
No such document has been found. Officially.
End of File